QUOTE (bushwa @ Oct 10 2008, 09:14 AM)

If only it were that simple. It's not. You apparently aren't aware that precisely the paperwork you describe has been routinely ignored, even by hospitals.
You're not familiar with episodes where a patient's family - estranged from a gay son, brother, parent for decades - can and has swooped in at the time of crisis and swept all such arrangements aside as if they were sandcastles built on the water line. And the law has repeatedly helped them do exactly that, or at least permitted it for a time. And even when the loved one is able to prevail after months and years of litigation, retain their share of a home, win back the right to make decisions, in the interim they've lost so much that can never be returned, from the right to plan a service, to just a simple visit.
I've been in a courtroom as a witness to testify that a dead man's notarized wills and contracts actually spelled out the intentions and plans he expressed in the months and years before death, virtually all of which had been ignored and held in abeyance for months at a time in the interim because a nasty, hateful family was angry. I've been there to see a mother adorn her dead son with religious medals despite his repeated and written prohibitions against exactly that, because a partner had to make deals in order to have OTHER aspects of his partner's wishes respected.
It sounds to me like the problem really isn't legal, since the paper work is there, but the administrators don't want to recognize it. Even if a gay couple were legal married as they can be in Cal presently (or is that called a "Civil Union"), does this eliminate the problem? I suspect that if the family puts up enough resistance, hires a lawyer, the result will be the same, delays and problems.
Marriage, legal institution, was created to put into place rights to property and children, and to limit those rights to the current legal spouse. Considering all the "illegitamite" children and spouses out there, one might actually make the arguement that marriage is unfair to those "illict" family members. The bottom line is if you want to give the people in your life property, if you want, after death, to be handled in a certain way, get it down on a legal document, notarized, ..... if that doesn't work well we need to work on the legal system so that it does.