Mike thought, "feasible".

Mike had a "mullet" or as one RAndi Rhodeser called it a "shlong", but since he was going bald, it was really a "skullet"!

He was often confused with Gallagher or Ben Franklin!

Mike decided he needed to do something with his life, so he took up smoking dope and drinking a lot...a lot.

Then he thought, "dude, I should really get myself into a band".

The next day, Mike made a demo tape & video of himself playing his Uke, both acoustic and electric, put it into his ipod, uploaded the video version to YouTube, joined several music message boards and linked his audio and video in his signature along with a caption that read, "looking for a band to join. Will travel.", slipped out the the liquor store, bought a box of Merlot, went back home. cracked open the Merlot, poured himself a glass, chugged it...poured another..chugged it...turned on his computer and waited for the job offers to come pouring in.

Ahhhhh! One. Sentence. Stream. Of. Consciousness.

Mike sat and smoke the bong!

With his bong and Jägermeister at his side Mike couldn't help but feel that things were going his way.

After all, he had merlot, Jagermeister, a bong, all this recording equipment, 2 guitars, and internet access onder this bridge and nobody had challenged his territory in quite a while.

Driving around in his cool bus. Mike found himself the center of attention, girls really seemed to flock to him, until he shat himself.

don't forget the harp and the Uke!

For now, it seemed like the end, but it really was just the beginning...

For in a remote downtrodden slum, near the swamps of southern Little Rock, Arkansas something evil woke.

As the gray mist of an ominous morning rose and faded in the scant newborn daylight, a man named Cooter rose from his home made bed of corn husks with the urge to find a ukulele.

He dared not ponder the presence of corn husks in Arkansas which grew mainly rice and beans, owing to the aforementioned swamps, but resolved to use his dark and mystical talent once again, despite the warnings the old hag had given him.

So he decided to move into the swamp, found a hollow log, with a one eyed snake, and a three legged hog, she had a bent boney body and stringy hair, and if you ever seen them all messin' 'round there then you'll be hmmmm, another man done gone...

The unusually symmetrical bone of the hogs single back leg made for an excellent neck for the uke with the skull of the one eyed smake placed at the end, the hollow log could be made into the body, and the hags stringy hair would be used to string it - but those strings needed to be attached to the neck with keys and he would have to find his victim to provide finger bones for those and whose soul would forever resonate within the instrument.

If it has strings, why is he trying to blow it?

His shoulders slumped with resignation as he gave in to the terrible urge once more and so gathered his sad will to impress upon his surroundings a sort of doorway that swirled into being before him.

He opened the door and selected a beer, noting that the lettuce was looking a little wilted, then closed the door, popped the top off the beer, and focused on another swirling doorway in space.

After sizing me up and talking it over with her boyfriend, dapper in his porkpie hat and Goodwill topcoat, the girl, scrubbed clean, with a face as bright and shiny as a red apple, approached me and asked, "Could you spare a nickel...for bus fare?"

Dear transient Lass with your long blond hair flowing over your lean shoulders to the waist of your mini skirt and your legs like willows, lean and long , ankles like wine glasses whos spiked heels I could almost fell in my back, sure, here will a buck fifty do, or will you need more?

She jerked back in surprise at the gift of $50 for a nickel bus fair, she knew she had to show her appreciation, but where...and how?

With the faint sound of Ukelele strings in the distance, his mind reeled at the possibilities.

I know a guy with a VW micro bus he replied in his best undisguised glee.

Right then four cars screeched to a stop yelling,"Hand on your heads!" guns drawn the girl stood back and watched as the man was handcuffed.

As he flusterred about to hold himself together, he unexpectadly shat himself, again; damn, he thought, I should've worn depends like that astronaut.

Fondly, he remember that astronaut Bob he knew long ago that played a ukulele.

Bob was a helluva guy, liked to drink and smoke pot and play the ukulele, only problem was Bob had Irritable Bowell Syndrome, and it cost him a lot of jobs.

"It looks like it could start raining anytime" she said, he agreed that the sky was "fastly growing over cast".

And all of a sudden he heard a whoosh, and again he shat himself.

Mike sat.

Despondent.

Mike flicked his ear, as he noticed that is was slowly growing bigger and longer....he yawned and instead of a normal human yawn a "HeeHaw" like a jackass come out of his voice box!

It was then Mike realized he must be a Democrat, and, while the Ukelele played in the distance, he shart himself again.

Mike was getting real good at shartin'himself and regenerating himself..fact is Mike IS the prototype for the character Anton Chigurh, minus the Hollywood murdering twist ties

It wasn't just Mike's ears that were growing, but his whole body seemed to be turning into a donkey.

"Why me, and on a Monday too" Mike thought as he readied himself for work.

Becoming a jackass was appropiate for someone who was thought of by many as a jackass.

Yes but the reality of being doomed to menial labor under an Amish master did not bode well for him, but yet, how to stop it?

Suddenly, Mike realized he had an anti-Donkey elixir in his medicine cabinet, which he quickly took, thus reversing the process.

Looking into his bathroom mirror, Mike watched with relief; his facial features returned to normal; he lowered his gaze and watched, with sadness, his penis return to it's average-for-whitebread normal length and girth.

But the elixir ran through him like a strong cup of Drano and in no time at all Mike was feeling that familiar surge and smelling the usual stink as he once again shat himself.

and the ukelele played in the distance.

Mike IDOLIZED Tiny Tim; the guy who married a porn star.

Mike had very low self esteem.