QUOTE
Dubya: Well, Grumpy Grampy, I'm going to Minneapolis with you. Mike Duncan, the RNC manager, gave me a job as cheerleader for as long as you're on the team.
Grumpy Grampy: Look Dubya, if you're the cheerleader, you must know all the players.
Dubya: I certainly do.
Grumpy Grampy: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Dubya: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Grumpy Grampy: You mean funny names?
Dubya: Strange names, pet names... Well, let's see, we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Grumpy Grampy: That's what I want to find out.
Dubya: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Grumpy Grampy: Are you the cheerleader?
Dubya: Yes.
Grumpy Grampy: And you don't know the fellows' names.
Dubya: Well I should.
Grumpy Grampy: Well then who's on first?
Dubya: Yes.
Grumpy Grampy: I mean the fellow's name.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy on first.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The first baseman.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy playing...
Dubya: Who is on first!
Grumpy Grampy: I'm asking you who's on first.
Dubya: That's the man's name.
Grumpy Grampy: That's who's name?
Dubya: Yes.
Grumpy Grampy: Well go ahead and tell me.
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: That's who?
Dubya: Yes. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, you gotta first baseman?
Dubya: Certainly.
Grumpy Grampy: Who's playing first?
Dubya: That's right.
Grumpy Grampy: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Dubya: Every dollar of it.
Grumpy Grampy: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy that gets...
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: Who gets the money...
Dubya: He does, every dollar of it. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Grumpy Grampy: Who's wife?
Dubya: Yes. PAUSE
Dubya: What's wrong with that?
Grumpy Grampy: I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: How does he sign...
Dubya: That's how he signs it.
Grumpy Grampy: Who?
Dubya: Yes. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base.
Dubya: No. What is on second base.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dubya: Who's on first.
Grumpy Grampy: One base at a time!
Dubya: Well, don't change the players around.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not changing nobody!
Dubya: Take it easy, buddy.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
Dubya: That's right.
Grumpy Grampy: OK.
Dubya: Alright. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: What's the guy's name on first base?
Dubya: No. What is on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dubya: Who's on first.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know.
Dubya: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Grumpy Grampy: Now how did I get on third base?
Dubya: Why you mentioned his name.
Grumpy Grampy: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Dubya: No. Who's playing first.
Grumpy Grampy: What's on base?
Dubya: What's on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know.
Dubya: He's on third.
Grumpy Grampy: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Dubya: Alright, what do you want to know?
Grumpy Grampy: Now who's playing third base?
Dubya: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Grumpy Grampy: What am I putting on third.
Dubya: No. What is on second.
Grumpy Grampy: You don't want who on second?
Dubya: Who is on first.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, you gotta outfield?
Dubya: Sure.
Grumpy Grampy: The left fielder's name?
Dubya: Why.
Grumpy Grampy: I just thought I'd ask you.
Dubya: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Grumpy Grampy: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Dubya: Who's playing first.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not...stay out of the infield!!! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Dubya: No, What is on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dubya: Who's on first!
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: The left fielder's name?
Dubya: Why.
Grumpy Grampy: Because!
Dubya: Oh, he's center field. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Dubya: Sure.
Grumpy Grampy: The pitcher's name?
Dubya: Tomorrow.
Grumpy Grampy: You don't want to tell me today?
Dubya: I'm telling you now.
Grumpy Grampy: Then go ahead.
Dubya: Tomorrow!
Grumpy Grampy: What time?
Dubya: What time what?
Grumpy Grampy: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Dubya: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
Grumpy Grampy: I'll break you're arm if you say who's on first!!! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Dubya: What's on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Gotta a catcher?
Dubya: Certainly.
Grumpy Grampy: The catcher's name?
Dubya: Today.
Grumpy Grampy: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Dubya: Now you've got it.
Grumpy Grampy: All we got is a couple of days on the team. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: You know I'm a catcher too.
Dubya: So they tell me.
Grumpy Grampy: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Dubya: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE
Dubya: That's all you have to do.
Grumpy Grampy: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Dubya: Yes!
Grumpy Grampy: Now who's got it?
Dubya: Naturally. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: Who?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Dubya: No you don't you throw the ball to Who.
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally.
Dubya: That's different.
Grumpy Grampy: That's what I said.
Dubya: you're not saying it...
Grumpy Grampy: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Dubya: You throw it to Who.
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally.
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: That's what I said!
Dubya: You ask me.
Grumpy Grampy: I throw the ball to who?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: Now you ask me.
Dubya: You throw the ball to Who?
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally.
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Dubya: What?
Grumpy Grampy: I said I don't give a darn!
Dubya: Oh, that's our shortstop.
Grumpy Grampy: (makes screaming sound)
Grumpy Grampy: Look Dubya, if you're the cheerleader, you must know all the players.
Dubya: I certainly do.
Grumpy Grampy: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Dubya: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Grumpy Grampy: You mean funny names?
Dubya: Strange names, pet names... Well, let's see, we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Grumpy Grampy: That's what I want to find out.
Dubya: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Grumpy Grampy: Are you the cheerleader?
Dubya: Yes.
Grumpy Grampy: And you don't know the fellows' names.
Dubya: Well I should.
Grumpy Grampy: Well then who's on first?
Dubya: Yes.
Grumpy Grampy: I mean the fellow's name.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy on first.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The first baseman.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy playing...
Dubya: Who is on first!
Grumpy Grampy: I'm asking you who's on first.
Dubya: That's the man's name.
Grumpy Grampy: That's who's name?
Dubya: Yes.
Grumpy Grampy: Well go ahead and tell me.
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: That's who?
Dubya: Yes. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, you gotta first baseman?
Dubya: Certainly.
Grumpy Grampy: Who's playing first?
Dubya: That's right.
Grumpy Grampy: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Dubya: Every dollar of it.
Grumpy Grampy: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy that gets...
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: Who gets the money...
Dubya: He does, every dollar of it. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Grumpy Grampy: Who's wife?
Dubya: Yes. PAUSE
Dubya: What's wrong with that?
Grumpy Grampy: I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: The guy.
Dubya: Who.
Grumpy Grampy: How does he sign...
Dubya: That's how he signs it.
Grumpy Grampy: Who?
Dubya: Yes. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base.
Dubya: No. What is on second base.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dubya: Who's on first.
Grumpy Grampy: One base at a time!
Dubya: Well, don't change the players around.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not changing nobody!
Dubya: Take it easy, buddy.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
Dubya: That's right.
Grumpy Grampy: OK.
Dubya: Alright. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: What's the guy's name on first base?
Dubya: No. What is on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dubya: Who's on first.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know.
Dubya: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Grumpy Grampy: Now how did I get on third base?
Dubya: Why you mentioned his name.
Grumpy Grampy: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Dubya: No. Who's playing first.
Grumpy Grampy: What's on base?
Dubya: What's on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know.
Dubya: He's on third.
Grumpy Grampy: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Dubya: Alright, what do you want to know?
Grumpy Grampy: Now who's playing third base?
Dubya: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Grumpy Grampy: What am I putting on third.
Dubya: No. What is on second.
Grumpy Grampy: You don't want who on second?
Dubya: Who is on first.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, you gotta outfield?
Dubya: Sure.
Grumpy Grampy: The left fielder's name?
Dubya: Why.
Grumpy Grampy: I just thought I'd ask you.
Dubya: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Grumpy Grampy: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Dubya: Who's playing first.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not...stay out of the infield!!! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Dubya: No, What is on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dubya: Who's on first!
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: The left fielder's name?
Dubya: Why.
Grumpy Grampy: Because!
Dubya: Oh, he's center field. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Dubya: Sure.
Grumpy Grampy: The pitcher's name?
Dubya: Tomorrow.
Grumpy Grampy: You don't want to tell me today?
Dubya: I'm telling you now.
Grumpy Grampy: Then go ahead.
Dubya: Tomorrow!
Grumpy Grampy: What time?
Dubya: What time what?
Grumpy Grampy: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Dubya: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
Grumpy Grampy: I'll break you're arm if you say who's on first!!! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Dubya: What's on second.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Gotta a catcher?
Dubya: Certainly.
Grumpy Grampy: The catcher's name?
Dubya: Today.
Grumpy Grampy: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Dubya: Now you've got it.
Grumpy Grampy: All we got is a couple of days on the team. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: You know I'm a catcher too.
Dubya: So they tell me.
Grumpy Grampy: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Dubya: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Grumpy Grampy: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE
Dubya: That's all you have to do.
Grumpy Grampy: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Dubya: Yes!
Grumpy Grampy: Now who's got it?
Dubya: Naturally. PAUSE
Grumpy Grampy: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: Who?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Dubya: No you don't you throw the ball to Who.
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally.
Dubya: That's different.
Grumpy Grampy: That's what I said.
Dubya: you're not saying it...
Grumpy Grampy: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Dubya: You throw it to Who.
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally.
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: That's what I said!
Dubya: You ask me.
Grumpy Grampy: I throw the ball to who?
Dubya: Naturally.
Grumpy Grampy: Now you ask me.
Dubya: You throw the ball to Who?
Grumpy Grampy: Naturally.
Dubya: That's it.
Grumpy Grampy: Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Dubya: What?
Grumpy Grampy: I said I don't give a darn!
Dubya: Oh, that's our shortstop.
Grumpy Grampy: (makes screaming sound)