Due to hurrican Gustov, the Republicans have been forced to scale back their convention. Here's the revised schedule of events.

9PM
Palin will outline her qualifications to be vice president.

9:01PM
Palin will preside over a P.T.A. meeting.

9:30PM
Palin will throw a baby shower for her 17-yr-old, unmarried, but very pregnant daughter, Calamity Jane or whatever her name is.

10PM
McCain will arrive on a golf course. Joe Lieberman will than inform him that he's supposed to be on the Gulf Coast.

10:15PM
McCain will arrive on the Barbary Coast. Joe Lieberman will then inform him that he's supposed to be on the Gulf Coast.

10:30PM
McCain will address his supporters from a rollar coaster, in an attempt to use hurrican Gustov to boost his presidential aspirations.

It's going to be a magical evening!