A Day in the Life of Joe Republican
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water
because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety and work as advertised.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too because his employer needs to offer competitive benefits to hire the best people.
Joe prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with every
ingredient and the amount of its contents because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.
Joe drives to work in one of the safest cars in the world because some liberal fought to raise safety
standards and emission controls.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with good pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some Liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally
insured by the FSLIC up to $100,000 because some liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from greedy, unscrupulous bankers like the ones who ruined the banking system before the depression.
Joe needs to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below market federal student loan because some liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his life-time.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He
arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers
Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican's might still be sitting in the dark!)
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension
because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn't tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day)
Joe agrees, "We don't need those big government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self
made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have".
Full Version: A Day In The Life Of Joe Republican
So true, fuck Joe.
I had this on the old board, but I'll repost my extension of this story:
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In the years to come, however, Joe's life will change dramatically.
Thanks to the Republicans he elected, his water is now poisoned with arsenic, his air polluted by "clean" coal plants and smog from the automobiles which COULD have been zero-emissions electric vehicles, had pesky Liberals gotten their way. His food isn't that safe either because those charged with regulating the industry were former food manufacturer lobbyists, who've deregulated everything and blocked legislation that would have told him which food was genetically modified and which wasn't.
Not that his dollar buys much of anything anyways, having been totally devalued thanks to the overwhelming debt created by the fiscal irresponsibility of Banana Republicans he put in office. Debt which came in part from tax cuts which favored people Joe will never meet, because they are far too rich to associate with his formerly middle-class, now utterly impoverished ass.
The Republicans he loved so much also started many unnecessary wars by lying to Joe and getting him to be perma-scared. But they did nothing about port security, so last year, a terrorist snuck a mini-nuke onto a container ship, and blew up Joe's relatives in Tampa.
They also cut back on educational loans and grants, so Joe's kids couldn't afford to go to college, and his son had to join the Army to try to pay for it. Not that he'll get to go now. Joe's son was killed in Iraq by an IED.
Joe's daughter didn't get to go to college either, and is working at a huge box store making minimum wage. She doesn't enjoy the protection of a union that her father had. She often skips meals because she suffers from what Republicans characterize as "low food security", but which a Liberal would just call HUNGER.
Only the food stamps which some pesky Liberal fought for ages ago let her feed her baby. The baby she was forced to have even though she can't properly support her, because some Republican took away her right to choose, even though the baby was the product of a rape. Her church won't help her in any way, because she's a lesbian, so no help from them. She's sexually harassed at work, but is afraid to say anything because she knows she'll get no sympathy from the conservative judges her father helped put on the bench, and besides, if it came out that she was gay, her employer could fire her for that alone.
She has no health insurance for her or her child either, as Republicans never secured that for Americans, despite every other civilized, industrialized nation on the Earth managing to accomplish that for their people. But then, those countries are run by Liberals.
Because of having no health insurance, when her child gets the flu, she has to take him to the overcrowded emergency room. The bills from that visit mean she can't pay next month's rent, and her landlord evicts her. Now her and her baby live in her car, because Joe can't understand why she doesn't just pull herself up by her bootstraps. He fails to see she doesn't even have boots anymore, much less bootstraps. Moreover, he's not going to help someone who's gay and refuses to "change". What would his church say?
Meanwhile Joe's now privatized social security is worth nothing, because it was invested in the stock market that just collapsed under the weight of Republican debt. Soon Joe will be out on the streets with his daughter. Streets which are overrun with refugees from the coasts, fleeing the rising waters and extreme weather of the catastrophic global warming Republicans claimed didn't exist but which is all too real to these folks, who have been forced them from their homes just like Joe.
All because conservative Republicans made sure Joe could take care of himself.
-------------------------------
In the years to come, however, Joe's life will change dramatically.
Thanks to the Republicans he elected, his water is now poisoned with arsenic, his air polluted by "clean" coal plants and smog from the automobiles which COULD have been zero-emissions electric vehicles, had pesky Liberals gotten their way. His food isn't that safe either because those charged with regulating the industry were former food manufacturer lobbyists, who've deregulated everything and blocked legislation that would have told him which food was genetically modified and which wasn't.
Not that his dollar buys much of anything anyways, having been totally devalued thanks to the overwhelming debt created by the fiscal irresponsibility of Banana Republicans he put in office. Debt which came in part from tax cuts which favored people Joe will never meet, because they are far too rich to associate with his formerly middle-class, now utterly impoverished ass.
The Republicans he loved so much also started many unnecessary wars by lying to Joe and getting him to be perma-scared. But they did nothing about port security, so last year, a terrorist snuck a mini-nuke onto a container ship, and blew up Joe's relatives in Tampa.
They also cut back on educational loans and grants, so Joe's kids couldn't afford to go to college, and his son had to join the Army to try to pay for it. Not that he'll get to go now. Joe's son was killed in Iraq by an IED.
Joe's daughter didn't get to go to college either, and is working at a huge box store making minimum wage. She doesn't enjoy the protection of a union that her father had. She often skips meals because she suffers from what Republicans characterize as "low food security", but which a Liberal would just call HUNGER.
Only the food stamps which some pesky Liberal fought for ages ago let her feed her baby. The baby she was forced to have even though she can't properly support her, because some Republican took away her right to choose, even though the baby was the product of a rape. Her church won't help her in any way, because she's a lesbian, so no help from them. She's sexually harassed at work, but is afraid to say anything because she knows she'll get no sympathy from the conservative judges her father helped put on the bench, and besides, if it came out that she was gay, her employer could fire her for that alone.
She has no health insurance for her or her child either, as Republicans never secured that for Americans, despite every other civilized, industrialized nation on the Earth managing to accomplish that for their people. But then, those countries are run by Liberals.
Because of having no health insurance, when her child gets the flu, she has to take him to the overcrowded emergency room. The bills from that visit mean she can't pay next month's rent, and her landlord evicts her. Now her and her baby live in her car, because Joe can't understand why she doesn't just pull herself up by her bootstraps. He fails to see she doesn't even have boots anymore, much less bootstraps. Moreover, he's not going to help someone who's gay and refuses to "change". What would his church say?
Meanwhile Joe's now privatized social security is worth nothing, because it was invested in the stock market that just collapsed under the weight of Republican debt. Soon Joe will be out on the streets with his daughter. Streets which are overrun with refugees from the coasts, fleeing the rising waters and extreme weather of the catastrophic global warming Republicans claimed didn't exist but which is all too real to these folks, who have been forced them from their homes just like Joe.
All because conservative Republicans made sure Joe could take care of himself.
QUOTE (raford1112 @ Sep 11 2008, 02:11 PM) 
A Day in the Life of Joe Republican
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water
because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards. When the repugs get in these standards are always reduced.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety and work as advertised. Unless you get them from China and then all bets are off.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too because his employer needs to offer competitive benefits to hire the best people. The repugs have been the enemy of Unions from day one.
Joe prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. Raygun reduced the regulations on meat. We now eat what was once dog food.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with every
ingredient and the amount of its contents because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. Unless it is from China.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. This administration is in a court battle with Governor Schwarzenegger. The air quality standards were reduced and not checked.
Joe drives to work in one of the safest cars in the world because some liberal fought to raise safety
standards and emission controls. Refer to previous statement.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with good pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some Liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune. Even with a union and insurance, I cannot get into an emergency room due to illegals. When I do get medical attention, the insurance only pays a portion of it.
Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally
insured by the FSLIC up to $100,000 because some liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from greedy, unscrupulous bankers like the ones who ruined the banking system before the depression. The FDIC is a corporation of foreign interests. We are slowly being sold off to become the new slave nation.
Joe needs to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below market federal student loan because some liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his life-time. Because of the repugs selling off our infrastructure, there is no job security.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He
arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers
Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican's might still be sitting in the dark!) Electrical grids, sewer systems, water systems, all socialistically generated and privately installed. Private industry and socialism working together under REGULATION!
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension
because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home. On a socially generated privately installed road.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn't tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day) Joseph Goebbels would be proud!
Joe agrees, "We don't need those big government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self
made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have".
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water
because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards. When the repugs get in these standards are always reduced.
He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety and work as advertised. Unless you get them from China and then all bets are off.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too because his employer needs to offer competitive benefits to hire the best people. The repugs have been the enemy of Unions from day one.
Joe prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. Raygun reduced the regulations on meat. We now eat what was once dog food.
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with every
ingredient and the amount of its contents because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. Unless it is from China.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree
hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. This administration is in a court battle with Governor Schwarzenegger. The air quality standards were reduced and not checked.
Joe drives to work in one of the safest cars in the world because some liberal fought to raise safety
standards and emission controls. Refer to previous statement.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with good pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some Liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune. Even with a union and insurance, I cannot get into an emergency room due to illegals. When I do get medical attention, the insurance only pays a portion of it.
Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally
insured by the FSLIC up to $100,000 because some liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from greedy, unscrupulous bankers like the ones who ruined the banking system before the depression. The FDIC is a corporation of foreign interests. We are slowly being sold off to become the new slave nation.
Joe needs to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below market federal student loan because some liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his life-time. Because of the repugs selling off our infrastructure, there is no job security.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He
arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers
Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican's might still be sitting in the dark!) Electrical grids, sewer systems, water systems, all socialistically generated and privately installed. Private industry and socialism working together under REGULATION!
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension
because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home. On a socially generated privately installed road.
He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn't tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day) Joseph Goebbels would be proud!
Joe agrees, "We don't need those big government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self
made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have".
Ya Joe, build your rocket and build a habitat on Mars. Build a space station, build a space telescope, do it now bitch. We are stronger and more productive and technologically advanced STANDING TOGETHER! BRING BACK OUR INFRASTRUCTURE, BRING BACK AMERICA! WE WANT OUR CONSTITUTION BACK. WE WANT THESE CRIMINALS TO BE HELD TO THE RULE OF LAW!
Like I said, fuck Joe. I have no sympathy for the people who vote against their best interests. My dad is a Jew, he would vote for Hitler, even though Hitler killed a bunch of his family.
Let's not forget the companion piece someone wrote. This is what life would be like if the Republicans had their way:
A Day in the Life of a True Conservative
Joe Conservative wakes up in the morning and goes to the bathroom. He flushes his toilet and brushes his teeth, mindful that each flush & brush costs him about 43 cents to his privatized water provider. His wacky, liberal neighbor keeps badgering the company to disclose how clean and safe their water is, but no one ever finds out. Just to be safe, Joe Conservative boils his drinking water.
Joe steps outside and coughs–the pollution is especially bad today, but the smokiest cars are the cheapest ones, so everyone buys ‘em. Joe Conservative checks to make sure he has enough toll money for the 3 different private roads he must drive to work. There is no public transportation, so traffic is backed up and his 10 mile commute takes an hour.
On the way, he drops his 12 year old daughter off at the clothing factory she works at. Paying for kids to go to private school until they’re 18 is a luxury, and Joe needs the extra income coming in. Times are hard and there’re no social safety nets.
He gets to work 5 minutes late and misses the call for Christian prayer, and is immediately docked by his employer. He is not feeling well today, but has no health insurance, since neither his employer nor his government provide it, and paying for it himself is really expensive, since he has a precondition. He just hopes for the best.
Joe’s workday is 12 hours long, because there is no regulation over working hours, and Joe will lose his job if he complains or unionizes. Today is an especially bad day. Joe’s manager demands that he work until midnight, a 16 hour day. Joe does, knowing that he’ll lose his job if he does not.
Finally, after midnight, Joe gets to pick up his daughter and go home. His daughter shows him the deep cut she got on the industrial sewing machine today. Joe is outraged and asks why she doesn’t have metal mesh gloves or other protection. She says the company will not provide it and she’ll have to pay for it out of her own pocket. Joe looks at the wound and decides they’ll use an over the counter disinfectant and bandages until it heals. She’ll have a scar, but getting stitches at the emergency room is expensive.
His daughter also complains that the manager made suggestive overtures towards her. Joe counsels her to be a “good girl” and not rock the boat, or she’ll get fired and they’ll be out the income.
His daughter says she can’t wait until she’s 18 so she can vote for change or go to the Iraq War.
They get home and there’s a message from his elderly father who can’t afford to pay his medical or heating bills. Joe can hear him coughing and shivering.
Joe turns on the radio and the top story is a proposal in Congress to raise the voting age to 25. A rare liberal opinionator states that it’s an attempt to keep power out of the hands of working class Americans. The conservative host immediately quashes him, calling him “a utopian idealist,” and agreeing that people aren’t mature enough to make good choices until they’re at least 25.
Joe chuckles at the wine-swilling, cheese eating liberal egghead and thinks, “Thank God I live in America where I have freedom!”
A Day in the Life of a True Conservative
Joe Conservative wakes up in the morning and goes to the bathroom. He flushes his toilet and brushes his teeth, mindful that each flush & brush costs him about 43 cents to his privatized water provider. His wacky, liberal neighbor keeps badgering the company to disclose how clean and safe their water is, but no one ever finds out. Just to be safe, Joe Conservative boils his drinking water.
Joe steps outside and coughs–the pollution is especially bad today, but the smokiest cars are the cheapest ones, so everyone buys ‘em. Joe Conservative checks to make sure he has enough toll money for the 3 different private roads he must drive to work. There is no public transportation, so traffic is backed up and his 10 mile commute takes an hour.
On the way, he drops his 12 year old daughter off at the clothing factory she works at. Paying for kids to go to private school until they’re 18 is a luxury, and Joe needs the extra income coming in. Times are hard and there’re no social safety nets.
He gets to work 5 minutes late and misses the call for Christian prayer, and is immediately docked by his employer. He is not feeling well today, but has no health insurance, since neither his employer nor his government provide it, and paying for it himself is really expensive, since he has a precondition. He just hopes for the best.
Joe’s workday is 12 hours long, because there is no regulation over working hours, and Joe will lose his job if he complains or unionizes. Today is an especially bad day. Joe’s manager demands that he work until midnight, a 16 hour day. Joe does, knowing that he’ll lose his job if he does not.
Finally, after midnight, Joe gets to pick up his daughter and go home. His daughter shows him the deep cut she got on the industrial sewing machine today. Joe is outraged and asks why she doesn’t have metal mesh gloves or other protection. She says the company will not provide it and she’ll have to pay for it out of her own pocket. Joe looks at the wound and decides they’ll use an over the counter disinfectant and bandages until it heals. She’ll have a scar, but getting stitches at the emergency room is expensive.
His daughter also complains that the manager made suggestive overtures towards her. Joe counsels her to be a “good girl” and not rock the boat, or she’ll get fired and they’ll be out the income.
His daughter says she can’t wait until she’s 18 so she can vote for change or go to the Iraq War.
They get home and there’s a message from his elderly father who can’t afford to pay his medical or heating bills. Joe can hear him coughing and shivering.
Joe turns on the radio and the top story is a proposal in Congress to raise the voting age to 25. A rare liberal opinionator states that it’s an attempt to keep power out of the hands of working class Americans. The conservative host immediately quashes him, calling him “a utopian idealist,” and agreeing that people aren’t mature enough to make good choices until they’re at least 25.
Joe chuckles at the wine-swilling, cheese eating liberal egghead and thinks, “Thank God I live in America where I have freedom!”
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